The Little Things

I'll be honest, it's not terribly exciting to work forty hours a week as a receptionist in an anonymous-feeling environment.  However, I would like to take a few minutes to relay the things that brightened my day:

• I arrived at work this morning at 6:50, bleary-eyed and and a little numb.  I looked out the window from my desk and saw the most beautiful sunrise over Lake Michigan.  I went to turn on the lights and open the blinds in the big conference rooms. From that vantage point, I could see the pink and blue mixing with soft clouds.  There are a smattering of skyscrapers as tall as the one I'm in blocking parts of the sky and between those buildings a thick fog was floating upward.  I breathed a little easier, thirstily taking in the view. I stifled my longing to stand there all day and went back to work. I stole a glance every few minutes from my desk with a smile. Thank you, 32nd floor.

• I got an hour for lunch and today I was a seven minute walk from the Harold Washington Library.  Embarrassingly enough, I only discovered this glorious building a month ago.  It has nine floors, complete with mini-museums and an observatory at the top.  And as much as I love books, my favorite part is the practice rooms on the eighth floor.  In each one there is an upright piano and usually a variety of music books left by the people who used the room earlier in the day.  For 45 minutes I was able to site read songs by a woman I'd never heard of, pick out the ten measures I know of select songs from my childhood, and make up my own songs from the notes that just felt good.  I've been without a piano for five years going on six and I've recently been longing for that part of my life back.  What a treat to have a taste in the middle of my day.

• My total commute is about 25-30 minutes and most of that time is spent waiting for and sitting on the "L" train.  I love people-watching, but recently I've been too engrossed in the book I'm reading to notice much.  It's called The Robe by Lloyd C. Douglas. It was written in the '40s and the copy that was lent me is from about that time (I love old books).  Without writing an entire book report, I will say that this book has impacted me deeply.  It tells a story that has helped my mind bridge the gap between our current culture and the gritty work of the early Christians.  They saw Jesus as real because they knew him, or at least knew people who knew him. I've been humbled by the reality that I, too, know Jesus.  I may not have seen him in the flesh, but my life has been profoundly changed and is still actively changing because of him. How quickly I lose the tangibility of my faith.  I want the tension of the mystery and work of Jesus to define my daily reality. I'm finding it difficult, being immersed in this city.  Why is that? 

You'll have to forgive any typos you may find today.  I tried to go to bed at 9:00, but my body's not yet used to the earlier schedule.  Two hours later, I've written another blog post and am about to fall asleep on my hands.  Hence, the apology.  

Peace be with you.

Perks

 (Completely unrelated, but isn't the Boise sky pretty?)

Was I expressing discontentment with my new job just two days ago?  Well, silly me.  

For the next two weeks, I will be stationed at a "leading global financial institution".  I can't say much about it because before I was even allowed to use the elevator, I had to sign an in-depth confidentiality agreement.  What I can say about this new site can be summed up in two words: Free food.

I am quite enamored with this amenity.  I mean, who would turn down free food?  This is not just any food, however. Would you like to know what I ate?  Promise you won't count my calories behind my back? Okay.

• Couscous salad with raspberries, cucumbers, and other deliciousness
• Herb-infused tofu with garbanzo beans and roasted tomatoes
• Fruit: Grapes, pineapple, and watermelon (in October?!)
• Salad bar, including hard boiled eggs, bacon bits, eight types of vegetables other than the three choices of greens, olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette
• Garlic bread--the best I've had and by the end there was merely a healthy level of garlic breath
• A small oatmeal raisin cookie and a larger chocolate chip cookie
• Seconds of the couscous salad. I went back for more because I was still hungry. Or was I? It's so difficult to tell when the food is this good.

Granted, I ate well over half the menu, but there was still spaghetti with meatballs and a sandwich bar and chips and two types of soup.  Did I mention that there is a fully stocked cooler with nine types of juice, three kinds of milk, water bottles, sparkling water and various other types of carbonated beverages?  Oh, and there is coffee with different syrup, tea, and hot chocolate. And popcorn if one so wishes to pop some for an afternoon snack.

Is it obvious what motivates me?  It's people, of course.  Everyone there is very nice and hard-working.  The work itself is not terribly difficult, but that might be because I have yet to answer a phone with someone asking for the fifth richest man in Chicago, or book a conference room for said man, or be put in a position to cost the company thousands upon thousands of dollars by making one very tiny mistake.  One day at a time, right? 

Another Step

In the last two months, I could have written a lot about a lot of things. I went from being unemployed, to having a job. From having a job, to having three job opportunities at once. I changed jobs after only thirty days. I had a miserable first week at my new job and questioned my life choices.

After multiple tear-filled conversations with my parents and roommates, the storm has passed and I am able to accept my current situation.

My Current Situation:

True, my new job is not the kind of challenge I was expecting. I was so discontent, I even pursued working for my old company again (that did not go over well). But, here I am. I'm a full-time glorified temp (no emphasis on 'glorified'). In case you were wondering, that is not what I went to college for. However, I am grateful for this underwhelming situation I am in because it has given me great cause to think seriously about what I truly want to do in life.

I have gotten to this place by putting one foot in front of the other. I wish I could gracefully leap over sticky situations and land in the green pastures of a satisfying career, creative brilliance and spiritual perfection. If I tried, I would most likely trip and fall on my face, causing an even less desirable situation than I am in now. So, step by step, I have arrived where I am. Have I "made it" at 23? Hardly. Am I in a better situation than I was two months ago? Absolutely. I mean, I'm paying rent, aren't I?

There was nothing rational about quitting my job this summer before having another lined up. There wasn't anything particularly smart about leaving a job where I could take on responsibility and work with people I like in order to go to a completely unknown position. But, I am thankful that God brought me here. First, I'm thankful that I am employed. And Lord have mercy on everyone who is not--I know it is a terrifying place to be. I am glad to not be dreaming about my job anymore. Even though I don't like my job, I know I will learn things that I will somehow use in the future. Finally, I am glad for the extra, circumstantial push to take my plans and my life seriously.

I am in this position because I pursued jobs that use skills I've already acquired, like typing quickly, answering phones, and making copies. This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it is advised to go after jobs you are qualified for. But, am I not qualified to at least apply for a job in the theater or in writing or in communications? Or for grad school? My point is, I have a tendency to sell myself and my experiences short. More importantly, I sell God short.

My friend Maggie once pointed out to me that I often believe that I have reached my quota with God's grace. I think to myself, "Opes. I can't ask for that because I've been given so many other good things in life. I should be grateful for what I do have." I should indeed be grateful. But, I am also to ask of my Heavenly Father who loves me. So, I intend to practice that. I want to start asking for the improbable and encouraging others to do the same. Heck, I asked God for a job and he gave me three.

I also asked God to let me live in Paris right after college...

Thy will be done.

Today.

Things I've done:

Ate. Read. Wrote. Prayed.

Killed ants with my toes (more difficult than one might think).

Calculated my financial needs.

On the latter: Facing the dire straits of my bank account is never something I look forward to. However, there is something to be said for facing real need. It is in this awareness that it is possible to ask. And ask. And ask.

Hence, the praying earlier in my day.

Did you notice that I did not list, "applied for jobs" in the things I've done? Well, here I go...